


She Can Only Say

by Gelsey



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 05:06:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5614951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gelsey/pseuds/Gelsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Leia would say to her son if she had the chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Can Only Say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [igrockspock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/igrockspock/gifts).



It’s been so long. So many years. But the day finally comes, and his face, his precious face, with new scars and marks and lines etched by anger and time is before her again.

“Oh, Ben…”

There’s so much to stay, and for once in her life, no witty come back or quip comes readily to her lips. Her tongue is tangled. 

She knows what she should say.

_I never should have sent you away._

_You’ve lived in my heart since the day I knew I carried you._

His eyes are hers, the same dark color; the shape belongs to Han, and her heart screams in her chest.

_My son… I’ve missed you so much._

_I’ve never stopped loving you._

Tears hesitate on her lashes, and his face twists. She can’t tell if it’s hatred or sorrow, regret, guilt, or anger.

She can’t trust him. Ben had killed Han, extinguished his cocky smile, before she could tell him what she truly felt even though he’d been gone for so long.

“Mother…”

_My heart killed my heart… you killed Han._

_You killed the love of my life._

Ben and Han had held her love more surely than any other, even Luke. And Han had for so long, so very long.

She hugs him, heedless of the risk. He leans into her for a moment, his head against hers. For a moment, he is a baby again; a toddler; a lanky boy with so much talent and so much recklessness that she cannot pent no matter how she tries. He is hers, from her body.

Then he is this stranger again, with Han’s eyes and smirk and Han’s blood on his hands. Leia steps back, releasing him.

“Mother…” Those dark eyes search hers, almost frantic now since she had been silent for so long.. “Mother, forgive me. I was not myself. I was weak. I did not mean to…. Forgive me, Mother.”

The voice is so familiar, and it pains her. She thinks again of all the things she wants to say, she should say, she needs to say.

But the only thing that comes out is the only thing she can say:

“No.” 

She turns, hesitates. “No, I cannot forgive. But I shall not let my hate win over my love. You are my son, and I love you. That will have to be enough.”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Leia - What she would say to her son if she got the chance.


End file.
